Good news everyone! The world’s ending tomorrow at 6PM! That one guy said so, and he hasn’t been wrong in over 15 years. I haven’t been this excited since I punched out Buzz Aldrin in ‘88!
I’m especially looking forward to the big earthquake! It may finally shake loose that wad of sunflower seeds and fatback that got lodged in my lower intestine back when Nixon resigned. While you idiots are panicking and praying to your spaghetti gods, I’ll be laughing behind the wheel of my rascal while I flatten your pets! I don’t care how floppy and cute their ears are! Those little shits should know better than to dig in my onion garden!
Twitter.com/thegrumpyshit
